Work, the here and now, pt 125 of 5.

I'm not quite sure why I dislike work so much, it's ok, it pays me reasonable well, I'm technically working roughly in an area that interests me and yet it depresses the hell out of me, why? I'm sure autism has a big role to play and I think it's due to two key reasons, firstly it keeps me away from my true interests and secondly it makes me have to engage with people in a context that I'm not happy with.

I've never particularly enjoyed  MI or BI or whatever nonsense it wants to be called, basically report producing. It's dull, it's just presenting someone else's ideas back to them in a way they enjoy. That's not where the fun in any of this stuff is. Finding out what the questions are, examining the data, pricing it together and present new information back out is what's actually fun. Just running reporting is tedious, once you've got your head around the system that you're using for reporting there's nothing to really learn. I want to be back doing actual analytics, trying to solve problems. Even if it's not successful it's much more fun than building another bloody pointless report. Also the subject matter is pointless, I'm reporting on variables of a system outcome but with no real intelligence to say why they're doing something, just that they are, I'm also not overly happy with working in finance in general, especially not in this particular way. 

This brings me on to the second point. There probably are ways of making this better but I don't really know how to go about them. I spend all my time trying not to interact with people where I can help it as I find it generally a pretty stressful thing but then the only way to take this in a new direction would be to communicate with people and to share ideas. I just don't know how to do that so instead I need someone else to enable me first before I can start to do anything, and I don't think L is that sort of person unfortunately. That just leaves me in a bit of a bind, I feel like I'm atrophying in corner but I have no conception of how to arrest it. I know the solution would be 'just talk to L, I know you might not want to but..' thing is though it's not just not wanting to, I literally don't know how to. It's an unguided conversation that i have no idea how to start :( So being autistic sucks in this regards and is making my life much harder and then double whamming me as its stripped me of the tools i need to fix it and no one understands as the things I find hard other people find natural and the things they find hard I find natural.