Your video has 89 views!

I guess I'm writing this on the internet because whilst I don't want to actively necessarily engage with anyone on any of this stuff it's quite nice thinking someone might read it and get some use out of it. One of the fractal videos I put up on youtube had 89 views today, most of them in the space of about 3 hours which makes me feel that i was probably promoted by the youtube algorithm for a short while. More excitingly I managed to get 7 positive and 1 negative vote so it seems overall people like it enough to click the thumbs up. Posting on youtube was a little more of an effort to share what I was doing than this, there's no way to find this blog I don't think and I imagine the 500+ page impressions are all either me or bots. Which is fine but I can't deny a little thrill in knowing something I did was received approvingly.

Part of this cuts to the chase of what's autism, what's depression an how do they feed into each other. I dislike engaging with people as I always image it's either going to be a) Critical or b) Questioning. If it's b then I feel compelled to answer and i worry that my life will be sucked away in an exhausting responding mode. If it's a I think I'm more worried about that thought of it than it actually happening. I think that's the depression side more and probably comes from the stuff I worked through the psychologist last year. If you send all your life being criticised then it's not really suprising that you develop an aversion to sharing anything of yourself, just waiting not that dis-approval. 

I think for the time being I'm going to focus and getting some more fractal stuff up there as it's nice and neutral but quite fun and I've developed the algorithm a little bit further so it's slow but workable.